Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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