you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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