I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
