goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
