Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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