well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
