the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
