We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
