Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
