well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
