She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
