If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
