I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
