I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
