She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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