sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
