I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
