Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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