ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
birth control should be required to get into college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
