i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
