I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
