okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
