Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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