hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
