Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
