Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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