I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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