the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
