So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
