Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
