They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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