I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
