The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my shit smells like andre
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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