If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
