You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
