i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
