I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
