ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
