Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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