girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The power of my boobs compel you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
