I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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