I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
