Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
two words: eviction party
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
