I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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