Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
