Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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