my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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