i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
