You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
