At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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