had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
