Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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