God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
