Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
