i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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