Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
