We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
